Watch as the forth wall slowly weeps | Bad Girl + Travis

[batterthanyou]

[It was hard to believe just minutes ago in this odd little apartment that a massive fight had been going on. The smell of alcohol and fire was still floating in the air, while blood stained the floor and walls. However, a fight had taken place here, if the body laying dead in the room was any indication. The corpse in question was very obviously female, recently deceased. Her body was sprawled out on the green floor,  having most likely fallen in that position when she died.

There were probably a lot of questions regarding the scene...if you have never played No More Heroes. Even so, there was one question that no one would be asking.

"Is she dead?"

Of course she was dead! Just look at all that blood around her and her twitching body...wait. IS SHE MOVING?!]

Uggg....fuck...

[She groans, looking down at her stomach where she had been impaled. No mark on her clothing, so that was always a good sign. Also, seemed like the blood was clearing out of her apartment nicely. Ah the benefits of being a character in a video game.]

Phew! What a day. Can't believe that shithead actually tried bitter this time.

[Bad Girl got to her feet, using her bat as leverage to hoist herself up. Once on her feet, she walks over towards her fridge, grabs a cold one, then sits down on her couch. Hopefully, a certain otaku wouldn't be late to their little get-together.]

Comments

[crownless]

Hey, don't blame me.

[Sure as shit, he's meandering across the still-bloodied room and brushing a bit of dust off his shoulders.]

Seriously, what kinda sadist programmed you to do that shit? You hit me directly in the nutsack, like, three times! [Here, he gestures to her ever-present bat: made of wood, sure, but it hits like a steel bar. Damage ratios on a higher difficulty, he's guessing.

Travis shakes his head, helps himself to a beer, and flops--rather unceremoniously--on the remaining half of the couch. He cracks open the can; it opens with a fizzle.]

I swear to God I'm gonna quit and get a job in-- I dunno. [Chug, chug, chug. He wipes his mouth with the back of his hand, then makes a vague gesture of his hand.] Something else. It was fun the first 4 or 5 playthroughs, but now?

[batterthanyou]

[And with a quick flick of her wrist, voila; her beer is opened.]

Probably someone more fucked up than I am! How's that for reassuring?

[Being the classy bitch she is, Bad Girl puts her feet up on the pink coffee table in front of her, gesturing with her hand to let Travis know he's welcome to do the same. She downs about half her drink in a few seconds; eyes focusing on Travis as he rambles on about "getting another job".

She actually almost choked. It was that funny.]

You serious?

[Okay, okay...she stopped giggling. Give her a second to wipe the beer off her lips before she responds for real.]

What, main character status not working out for ya?

[crownless]

[He scoffs, slouching lower in his seat.] Fan-fucking-tastic. [Man, he can't deal with this shit. Travis props his feet up too and turns back to Bad Girl with a look of skepticism.]

I dunno. It's exhausting.

[He takes a thoughtful sip of his beer.]

And this fuckhead's working on a speedrun, you know? Not even giving me a break! You've only gotta fight, what, once? I'm always working.

Jesus. I need a vacation.

[batterthanyou]

Oh come on, we both know the only reason you're so pissy is because your player was a dumbass who fell for my instant kill move three fucking times.

[Seriously, she actually felt bad for you after that. And then she ended up with a beam katana through her torso for the third fucking time. Once on sweet, once on normal, then once on bitter. That shit hurts you know.]

But eh, if you're really all that pissed off think of it this way. All he's got left is Jeane and Henry. After that you'll be in the clear.

[crownless]

I--

Maybe. [Okay, fine, it's most of the reason. He huffs.]

Got a point there, I guess. And he's gotta do some minigames, speedrun or not, so... [Travis takes another long swig of his drink, before setting it down on the table.]

Can't he just play the sequel? Isn't there that--that Deathmatch mode or whatever the fuck? That's a billion times easier for speedruns.

[batterthanyou]

[You can huff and puff all you want, Travis. BG is still going to laugh at you. Sometimes, it's good to be packing a 1-hit kill move.]

Yeah. Although, I'm hoping for your sake he doesn't do that scorpion one. Tried it once. Seriously, fuck that stupid bullshit.

[After the first few times she gave up and just started smashing them with her bat. That was a lot more fun. You should try it some time with her. Drunk.

...yeah, she needs to stop thinking and just keep drinking.]

Schyeah, it would make it easi-wait... How the fuck does that even work anyways? Are there like 2 of you? One in this game and one in that game?

[crownless]

[He nearly gets beer up his nose at that one.]

In a dress? God damn. It sucks enough doing it normally. [Which might be his own fault for picking them up with tongs and putting them in an open garbage can strapped to his back?]

[Travis shrugs.] Probably. I wouldn't be surprised. I don't know anything about what happens to me in the sequel, and honestly, I'd rather keep it that way. Time paradox bullshit. You know.

[batterthanyou]

And heels! [Upon retrospect, that was probably one of the dumber things she'd done in her life, but fuck it. It was an experience if nothing else.]

[Bad Girl nods, finishing off the rest of her beer...and then letting out a loud "FUCK" before chucking it at the ground and getting off the couch.] I bet some crazy shit happens. [Once she's at the minifridge, she bends over to grab a few more cans. Not even looking at Travis, she continues.]

In fact, knowing your luck, I'll bet you any money Destroyman comes back and the player FINALLY gets to fight Letz Shake.