busemox | plz don't

plz don't

[Today, Asher is particularly excited- A friend is coming over! While his sheer joy at the mere prospect of a visitor seems albeit pathetic, especially at his age, it's nice to have somebody over who isn't just using his house to hide from the police. He's prepared an assortment of unhealthy snack foods, including wings of the microwaveable variety, nachos with "extra" chili (read: white people spice level), and pizza.

In fact, he's so happy, he's begun to sing a very familiar tune in a high falsetto. As high as he can muster, really.]

I shake iiiit off, I shake it off-

[He tops this off by doing a little spin and a booty pop, only to realize that his guess has already arrived. Immediately, he sputters:]

T-That's, um. A rap song.

[Jin is Asian and from the eighteenth century, or some shit. Right? He can't know who Taylor Swift is. Then again, he is gay.]

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[There's a sharp pain in his shoulder, reflexive; it feels as though he's just been hit. He knows it's nothing serious, this is something that happens time and time again. As though there is a hand pulling him back, some kind of invisible man, hindering him from moving forward and going through with things.

He steels himself, feigning bravado as he faces the other. Maybe if he pretends that he's tougher than he looks, maybe if he makes it sound like he did a very bad thing-]

You don't wanna know.

[He won't feel incompetent, useless.

The chasm between them is widening again.

All he really feels is loneliness.]

[And Jin stops. His shoulders are still squared, as he'd been readying himself to stand; he's seen his share of feints and put up too many of his own for Asher's front to really do more than get on his nerves even more.

He isn't a bad person... but Asher isn't a very good liar.

Utterly deadpan:] Don't give me that crap. [He straightens, as if he's reared up, taken Asher's dare of false toughness, and looks the other man straight in the eye.]

If you want to say something, then say it already.

[He'd shy away from that glance if he wasn't so upset, and it all comes flooding back.

Chilly, the air around him is chilly again, even though there's no wind and he knows that the temperature hasn't changed. Maybe it would be easier if he jumped into the water, icy cold at this time of night probably, and swum far away.]

I'm fucking miserable in this place.

[Asher wants to bite his tongue until it bleeds, but his mouth runs instead, just the way it wants to.]

I try. I try really, really, really friggin' hard!

[Yelling, hysterical almost:]

To do something right! And every single time, it... It backfires, like, it just gets even worse.

And it's not like I don't care about people. I do. I do, a lot, and I know I'm not the coolest guy ever. I know that there's a lot of stuff I'm really clueless about because of who I am and where I come from-

[Inhaling deep, now, because he's made himself very upset:]

But I just want to mean something to somebody. Any-freaking-body!

[Here they come, the tears again.

Asher is humiliated, but that doesn't stop what dribbles down his face.]

No matter what I do-

[He sniffles, rubbing his eyes like a small child would.]

I always end up on my own.

[Self-loathing has always been an unfortunate part of your makeup, Raiden had said to him, once.

Isn't this the very same? More-- well. It's a hell of a lot tearier than the times he used to lash out himself, all impulse and the adrenaline of a fight, white-knuckled fists wrapped around his bow. But the root of it... it's far more familiar than he'd expected putting up with some spoiled jerk was going to be. A stinging, raw wound become distantly aching scar.

Kung Jin's mouth turns into a hard frown. He waits, and allows Asher a moment more to cry.] Are you done? [He doesn't wait for an answer, opting to continue speaking instead--] So instead of doing something, you're going to sit here all alone and cry about it. Like it's too late to get somebody to give a damn, and pick yourself up back up one more time. Is that it?

[For a moment it seems like he'll go harsher, but he doesn't.

He keeps his tone even, calm.] ...'cause that's never true. It's never really too late.

[Jin places a hand on Asher's shoulder, then uses the support to bring himself up to his feet.] And for better or for worse, keep this in mind: ALASTAIR didn't pick us at random. They couldn't have. You got something there that made them want you, specifically.

[He stares down at the man, before adding, almost an afterthought:] I'll get out of here if you need a minute.

[Asher lashes out almost immediately:]

N-no! I'm not-

[He's not going to give up, he's just tired.

Jin's hand on his shoulder does steady him though. Physical contact of any sort is comforting for him, it always has been, even if the childhood memories of his father's arm around him are a little distant and bitter now.]

I'm sorry.

[Asher doesn't tell Jin to leave because even if he is embarrassed, he doesn't want to be alone again.]

I'm being...

[a lil bitch?]

I'm being stupid, but I- Why is it so wrong for dudes to cry sometimes? Doesn't everybody? I don't-

[He runs a hand through his hair.]

I don't know.

[Guess Asher is already cooling off. Jin manages a half-smile and shrugs his shoulders.]

Could be worse. You could be out trying to pick a fight instead.

[Jin has, again, done worse while venting negative feelings-- he's very grateful that attempting to throw down with the literal god of thunder didn't have any permanent repercussions.]

By the way, you still have snot on your face. Might wanna get back inside the castle to take care of that.

[Asher's emotions sometimes get the best of him, but for the most part, he seeks more than to antagonize. Jin's words have definitely ruffled his feathers in more ways than one, but at least that lingering feeling of comfort is enough to quiet him for the time being.

His greatest strength is also his greatest weakness- The tendency for him to follow his heart. Asher does not yet recognize this, it's not something that he's come to value about himself, but it is moments like these that remind him of who Jin really is.

The thief can be callous and sarcastic most of the time, but there's someone kinder underneath. Jin's armor doesn't stop at the metal plating on his forehead or whatever covers his body, his harsh words and devil-may-care attitude are walls he builds as well.

Not loudly, but stern:]

This never happened.

[Asher sniffles once or twice. Jin is right, that's a lot of snot.]

This never happened, okay?

Absolutely nothing.

[His hand's still resting on Asher's shoulder; it slides down his arm until Jin pulls away completely, beginning to walk away.

Asher Millstone is more than just a joke, he's coming to realize. But he's not especially interested in exploring it anymore, at least not today-- comforting a crying teammate is going well over his altruism quota for the day.

Maybe next time, Millstone.] Got it.

I'll see you inside.

[And he can't help but watch Jin go, eyes following the other in the dark as he struggles to come to terms with whatever's going on inside his head. On one hand, he feels almost violated- Whatever he shared was private, not masculine in the least.

But this is still better somehow.

Somebody listened.]

Thanks.

[Asher manages to blurt out, although Jin is clearly out of earshot.

Talking is better than keeping silent, for him.

Even when it's hard.]

Thank you.

Edited 2016-07-25 06:34 (UTC)

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plz don't

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1/2

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im still laughing about how htgawm that reply is tbh

oh noooo sob! thank u

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i forgot to tag this.....sry

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