busemox | friday night tfln

a;
i am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself

b;
and it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut him out of his dress with my sword

c;
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single most difficult thing to say

d;
[pick your own]

[It was probably out of a stroke of dumb luck that he managed to text this guy.]

you never were very smart.

but i'm totally a gentleman. i'll bang her if you don't.

GENTLEMAN MY ASS YOU KEEP YOUR LASER FIRING DICK OUT OF HER

wow, such hostility to an offer from the bottom of my heart.

maybe we haven't always been on the most friendly of terms, but i thought you were more civilized than that.

all i wanna do is comfort her.

she doesnt need comforting

if she eats guys like me for breakfast she'll fucking skin you alive

after having to reduce herself to turning down offers from you, that girl's gonna need a whole lot of comforting.

she eats guys like you for breakfast, just because you're not man enough to serve a full course meal.

[omfg oh no you did not]

WHERE ARE YOU. im going to cut you in half AGAIn

oh, i don't know.

off to bang the girl you don't want, i guess.

[it's complicated, okay!!!]

SO WHAT th HAAT DOESNT MATT ER

a real gentleman doesn't kiss and tell, but since we're such good pals, i'll let you know how it was tomorrow.

we ARENT friends asshole the only reason you HAVE my number is because this is a meme

well, excuse you

you were the one who texted me first, you know

meme or not, buddy, this is on you.

I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend...

a;
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find jonathan and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please

b;
[choose your own adventure]

a;
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on.

b;
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?

c;
[you know what to do]

Edited 2014-09-27 03:41 (UTC)

a;
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use his cat.

b;
Not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs.

c;
[pick your own]

a;
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...

b;
don't feel bad about not getting flowers. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.

c;
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended.

d;
[pick your own]

Edited 2014-09-27 03:49 (UTC)

Seriously? In that order?

I think this means your type is "diminishing returns"

Or you're just really desperate and need a regular hookup

But seriously, a mechanical bull operator and an MTG player? Do we need to stage an intervention?

Actually that was beginning with most recent. I think it's the other way around.

[five minutes later]

And to be fair, the MTG guy was a pro. He does tournaments and stuff.

Edited 2014-09-27 05:47 (UTC)

Okay, so he was a pro but still

The only way he comes off looking good?

Is at least he isn't the mechanical bull operator

That guy had VERY strong hands, okay.

How did you even find him

Don't tell me

Was it a gay cowboy bar?

NO

just a gay bar that happened to HAVE cowboys???

okay more important question

Was he working there?

I plead the fifth

You did didn't you

Man what have we told you

a;
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in another room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed

b;
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when she came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.

c;
[pick your own]

Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.

[She doesn't get an immediate reply, but about five minutes later Khaji does send over what appears to be a compilation of various home hangover remedies, listed in order of effectiveness.

Don't say the bug never anything for you, Rose.]

[Aw Khaji. You do care. A few minutes later, she texts back:]

It was a conversation starter. I can't actually get drunk.

QUERY: Why was inaccurate data present in "conversation starter"?

I do not understand. Explanation required.

Edited 2014-09-27 04:57 (UTC)

People do weird shit when they just wanna talk but don't know how. You hear "it's a nice day" all the time. That's inaccurate, right?

"NICE" = Subjective statement, not quantifiable (JAIME REYES has previously explained human value of "NICE")

Subjective =/= factual error. I do not understand.

I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"

ok wow if i knew academia got you laid this much i would actually try harder in school

rule no 1 of working w/ rly smart nerds: they're hornier than they first appear

DUMB NERDS TOO thats me i count too right

I'd say ur leaning more towards weeaboo than nerd but i'll give it to u anyway

friday night tfln

[price is right losing horn] | murdering for nendoroid money

C

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D

co-producer speed weed | jojo's excellent adventure

single female lawyer | cross-examine the parrot. do it.

dumps like a truck truck truck | thighs like what what what

dickbutt | oh my god i'm actually putting up an oc

A 1 of ?

2 of ?

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major lazer | bubble bubble bubble butt

littlest beetle | i cant even make mean jokes about him

texting khaji aw yeah

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seyiku no | meguca meduka

[TEXTING GIRL!TRAVIS AND BRINGING THIS AU BACK AWW YIS]

YELLS

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